My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now but as of the last two years we have not been able to stop fighting. I love him and I don’t want to leave but the fighting just won’t stop. No matter what I do or say he just keeps blaming me for everything. He even admitted to it the other day. He says he wants to change and make things better but I’ve heard this song and dance before. I’m at my wits end and need some help finding clarity but I don’t know any spells or rituals for this type of situation. Any advice is greatly appreciated
2 Likes
Funky Friday Sweetmandie,
Well, relationships always have the ups and downs; being married for over 40 years (2 marriages), yep, these things happen.
I do not necessarily think a spell is what you need. Sometimes, people change in ways that are not receptive to others anymore. (I speak from experience, in the moment of my own marriage).
If you are not married and no children are involved, it may just be time to step back, look at yourself and the situation you are currently in, and see if this is a “pot-hole” in the road of this relationship that you are willing to go through. Relationships, especially after much time is invested, are very difficult fields to navigate.
To wrap-it-up, we would not know which spell to use, without knowing what the specific problem/issue is that needs to be addressed. So, before any spell-work is attempted, it is necessary to decide on the path of your life.
Witchcraft and Magick is not about what the movies show you. It is about focusing the energies of the cosmos to help you take control and lead your life in the path you wish to take. It is NOT a “pill” to quickly fix a problem. So, sorry.
From what I am hearing, it sounds like he does not feel comfortable with what is happening in his life, and since he is “obviously” not the problem it has to be your fault. Is he making bad choices? Is he being apathetic? Is he really a victim? As you say, you
many manipulators/liar/narcissist/sociopaths know how to say what you want to hear, and even to look serious at the time. But often it is an act of the moment to get you to “give some slack”, which gives them more time to think up another scheme/reason/problem/issue.
Unless, of course, there really is something happening, then you would need a spell to address the issue that is his cause of so much stress.
So many ways this can go. You need to sit back, take a look at the situation, and decide if there really is a situation outside of his control or is he trying to pass the buck. Either way, whatever you decide, it is your decision. Do not try to “change” others to fit it into your ideal. Do not make a “Stepford Wife” (maybe look it up).
Sorry, probably not quite what you wanted to hear.
Lady Gene 
4 Likes
I back what Lady-Gene has said 100%.
My job deals with those that commit domestic/family violence on a daily basis, and sadly the leopard will never change its spots.
Please look after your own safety, even if it breaks your heart. Your heart will heal, the rest of you might not if this escalates.
2 Likes
No this was very helpful. As I said any advice is welcome. I’ve been taking the last two days to look at things and he stated himself that he isn’t where he wants to be in life. And over the last two years we’ve both kind of changed and drifted apart. When we lost our cat he completely shifted. I tried to be there for him and give him grace and time to heal and when he did he was still cold and harsh to me so I moved back in with my mom and became a care taker to everyone in her house. He’s been struggling to hold a job for more than a few months, he doesn’t keep up with his bills, he doesn’t talk to any of his friends or barely me. He told me that because he talked to me more than his friends he thought that that should be enough for me. I understand going through a depression and I tried to give him as much grace through that as I could but there’s only so much that one single person can do. He did admit that the last two years he hasn’t been actually trying in our relationship and expected me to keep carrying it. I finally can’t carry it anymore and now he’s trying and mad that I told him I don’t have anything left in me. This has been a lot of conversations. He realizes he hasn’t been doing much and then tries for a little bit and it goes back to the same thing. Lack of effort, lack of communication (but gets mad when I don’t communicate when my friends are at my house), etc
2 Likes
You may also want to look into pre-marital counseling. I know you’ve not mentioned marriage,
but you’ve been together 6 years, you will indeed get something out of it. Also, maybe each
of you get individual counseling.
1 Like
I honestly did think of that neither one of us can afford it though
I know it’ll be awkward, but religious institutions provide such cheap if not free.
Or, perhaps community centers? Group therapy? It is covered by health insurance where I live.
2 Likes
Merry Meet Sweetmandie,
Hope you are well. Just wanted to throw in my two cents worth. I agree with what the others have said. Anger is almost always a secondary emotion. It’s what people, mostly men, use to avoid facing the real issue. It is not your responsibility to be his mother, his servant, or his excuse. He needs to man up or move on. His behavior plainly indicates that he does not respect you as a person or partner, and as a rule those behaviors get worse, not better. Do everything you can to make it work, but your love won’t be enough by itself.
Keep in mind that I have very limited information and a history of intolerance for men who treat their partners inappropriately (four daughters). Nothing will work unless or until he makes a sincere effort to apply himself to the relationship. “Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”. Adele
Rather than a spell, I think this will require some difficult decision making, and taking a firm stand. I truly wish you well.
Brightest Blessings!
3 Likes
What, exactly, are you fighting about?
Is there violence from or to either side?
When he says he “wants to change” does he take any affirmative action to prove it (like joining AA to stop drinking or setting up automatic deposits to a savings account to hold on to money)? Or, does he really mean he wants YOU to change while he does not?
You know, that is not your fault, or your responsibility. Honestly, it sounds like it’s time to cut him loose and let him figure out where he does want to be.
“Harold, I’m sorry this isn’t working, but you’re going to have to go find yourself. Meanwhile, I"m going to find myself, too -find myself a new place to live I love, a new job I enjoy, a new hobby to spend all my money on, and maybe a new boyfriend, too.”
If you’re not ready to go there yet, I highly recommend putting aside whatever you will need just in case you’re suddenly forced to do that.
2 Likes