Can anyone guide me on what i can do with the current situation? I love my fiance but the negative energy i am receiving from him i cant deal with it. He does not want to change. He acts like he dont want to get a job and keep it. He wants me to wait on him hand and foot, and hes always saying something negative about someone that i am close to. This behavior has pushed me past my breaking point. I cant do this anymore! Please help me!
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To me this doesn’t just sound like negative energy, it sounds like control, which is much more dangerous mentally, emotionally, and in some cases, physically. If you are engaged I’m assuming you know him pretty well and you’ve been in this relationship for a while and know what you can genuinely expect from him in the future. If you are feeling like you are at the end of your rope while you’re still engaged, marriage will not fix these issues. As much as we would like to, there is no way to change another person, we can only change ourselves through self-determination and choices. Sometimes the choice is to either accept the person and the relationship as it is, or decide if this is ultimately the right relationship for you at all. I wish there were simpler answers. I wish you all the best as you work through this difficult time.
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Super Sunday Babygirl 
,
Exactly what Jenny said. If you are not yet married, it certainly is not going to change; so you have 2 choices, like she said,
- Accept the relationship as/is and go with it; or
- You will need to let go before it is too late.
Unfortunately, I am not what you want to hear right now. I just came to the conclusion within the last year, to leave a relationship in which the exact same behaviours exist. My marriage lasted 30 years…way, way, way too much. I stayed for the child. Now, grown, and I do not need to stay any longer, so I am not.
What I am saying, is listen to JENNY!!!
Either you stay and roll with it, or tuck tail and run now, before it gets any later (and more wasted time and energy).
Sorry, not what you want to hear.
Lady Gene Like your name, you will rise again!
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So many people do this with all the best of intentions. The irony is, not only is the couple miserable, but I have the adults in my office all the time talking about how badly they wish their parents had gotten a divorce while they were still young. They talk about all tension, anger, and sadness in their home and knew that if their parents weren’t together it would be so much better for everyone.
We can only do the best we can with what we know at the time, and your love for your children kept you in a relationship that made you unhappy with the absolute best of intentions. It certainly is what we’ve been taught we’re supposed to do, isn’t it?
Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can with what you know, and when you know better do better.” (I lean into this quote a lot!)
Now you’ve given yourself permission to be happy and that’s a wonderful thing to learn about yourself. 
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Super Sunday Jenny,
Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer, taken liberally like you did too…change what we can, accept what we can’t and know the difference.
Lady Gene 
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Yes! That is so powerful!!
Accept the things I cannot change (eg. other people)
Have the courage to change the things that I can (eg. myself)
Gain the wisdom to know (and acknowledge) the difference between the two.
So powerful!
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Both of you have addressed this very well! 
This is so true.
A lot of couples “stay for the child” yet don’t realize just how much that decision actually hurts the child in the long run. Better to find a partner you can actually have a healthy relationship with so they can have a healthy parental figure to learn from.
It also gives them the invaluable chance to learn what a healthy relationship looks like while they’re still young! 
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