I was wondering if I could get some guidance on some situations. I dont know which way to go?
I’m sure a lot of folk here will love to help, but we do need to know a bit more of particulars.
I am currently engaged but my fiance is in jail. He is 43. When he gets out, his mother is adamant about her and him moving to another state. They have never once asked me if I wanted to move, which I dont. I have too many bad memories about where they are wanting to move to.
Another thing is, I work with this guy who is 23 years younger than me, and sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes he dont. Is his feelings true for me or is he just faking everything?
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Well, as to moving, is it the whole state that’s the problem, or just the town/city?
Maybe there can be some compromise like closer to where you are now, but near border?
I’d understand wanting to move out of a state that put him away, but can he even move?
There’s usually a period of parole after a sentence that you can’t? Unless he serves ALL his
time. At lest where I live. Will his mother be living with you two? Why does she have more of
a say than you? Again, I can understand him wanting to be close to her, but have to be same
town? I’d think not, just within an hour or two drive? 23 years IS a big difference in age, NGL.
I agree. I am totally stuck here. They refuse to listen. It’s the whole state
I don’t have to tell you that’s a HUGE red flag. If he’s like that now, what will come AFTER
marriage? He’s in prison, why does he feel he gets to insist?
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Greetings!
For your first question, I’m going to agree with Sedim’s points here. If there’s no desire for compromise, then it’s hard to see your relationship getting better, even if you do choose to go with them.
For your second question - it’s hard to believe that this person is being honest, but some people genuinely are attracted in that way. The oedipus complex is a very real thing. I’ve met someone like that, and it was deeply unsettling.
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I feel concerned as well about your boyfriend. If he’s in jail and then also doesn’t seem to care about your preferences in where to live-especially when there is trauma involved for you-I worry that he won’t treat you well later, especially if his mom is also not considerate of you and she’s with you guys.
Some younger guys like older women, but some only like to flirt because it gives them an ego boost 
. So I’d be really careful about this guy. Even if he’s feeling something genuine, there could be a big mental gap with that many years in between you.
True words. No matter what, he’s of a different generation, with different experiences.
I agree with @Sedim_Haba she is correct unless he does all his time and depending on what his crime was, if he’s a habitual offender, he’s been in and out of prison, depends on if he can leave the state. If his crime was violent, again, depending on the above circumstances, more than likely whether he does this time or not he will be on Parole.
I have the same question. Why does his mother have any kind of say in his life? I was married to a man whose mother dictated our life and I was the most miserable human being ever. And I had a hard time getting away from that relationship.
Personally, I want to be in a relationship with a partner and only he and I have say as to where we live, and to our personal life, and I do not want his mom living with us. That’s my take and if you move, it’s up to you if it’s a place of bad memories you have to be the one to choose whether you want to go down that path or stay on the path you’re on.
Now my next comment is this. 23 years is a huge age gap but putting that aside, being with your boyfriend, it shouldn’t matter whether he’s flirting with you or not. Just saying.
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