Hello and many blessings! So i have kept little contact with my paternal grandma for bout the past 5 years. She is a very narcissistic person. She has always talked my dad down and has done the same with me because she sees so much of him with me. She has a favorite child, which is my uncle, even though he has also been problematic with us. Honestly its the majority of my family that has outed me and my father and mom just for us existing, and we barely speak to anyone.
I saw my grandma 3 years ago when my grandpa was on his deathbed. I stayed by his side for days until he slipped across the veil. He was an opposite of my grandma. He was so peaceful, calm, loved SO hard, and never judged. When i was there she already tried guilting me about how it took so long for me to come see them (i live 2 hours away) After his passing i kept in contact for awhile, talking to her a few times a week. But then she started using my grandpa as a weapon. She used his death as a way of guilting me and my dad, saying its our fault for different things, etc. I got angry and kept little contact. And she easily talks crap to others in the family about people, and i know she constantly talks bad things about me.
I was willing to keep the peace somewhat though, because i do feel guilt and someday she will be across the veil too. I dont call her but we occasionally text. But every single text she sends she mentions exactly how long its been since she saw me. She wil literally count days and months and years. Every. Single. Time. I understand i should just break away and thats it. But its easier said than done. How should i go about this magically, aside from the mundane? Ive had to set boundaries before but it was with a coworker (mainly a return to sender candle) but that situation was a lot simpler. Sorry for the word dump lol.
Ouch! I hear where you’re coming from. It’s really tough to deal with a bitter, narcissistic person – especially someone who habitually denigrates another beloved family member. The worst part of listening to that kind of negative garbage is that it becomes part of your psyche after a while, and you might start to doubt yourself.
I went through something similar with my maternal grandmother. She was awful and blamed me for the death of my parents in an automobile accident. I was all of 12. I already felt guilty because they’d driven to pick me up from a weekend away, and her words just cemented that notion. And, she bad-mouthed my dad… Double whammy. Thankfully I had a good support system in place with friends and family. It still took me a decade of self-reflection and therapy to deal with the psychic wounds.
It seems like you might be catching this before it’s done terrible damage. Do you talk about this with your parents? Your dad, specifically? Have you ever told your grandmother how much it hurts when she says things about your dad or grandfather’s death?
That might be a starting place, especially before you resort to a candle spell.
Sometimes confronting the offending person with the way you feel when they say certain things can open a door to healing. It isn’t easy. I don’t mean to say that. But it’s a way to begin taking care of yourself and making your boundaries clear.
Im truly sorry you had to go through that! You are a very strong person. Unfortunately yeah i have talked through it quite a few times, with my grandma and my parents and my dad heavily. Really theres so much more but it aint worth spilling on here. My grandmother ever since she was young has been the “pick me” type where she thinks about herself with little empathy for others.
Me and my dad are very different. To get an idea, her first children looked like her (blonde hair, blue eyes) and my uncle especially had higher persuits in life like college and stuff. They all are devout christians. My dad is the literal black sheep, dark hair and eyes, as am i. We both never went to college, chose not to attend church (despite having a faith), we both worked hard to be musicians as the life dream. She looks down on all that so much and has said so. Ive talked with her about her having such a little filter on her thoughts calmly and kindly but it never gets through.
Families. Some are wonderful and some just are not worth the bother. In my opinion I would arrange to meet her, either at her home or somewhere neutral and state your case, how you feel, how she makes you feel, (does she know she is doing what she is doing or saying)? State that if she wants you in her life then things have got to change and if she won’t, well I would wish her well and walk away, we all have enough drama in our lives we don’t need to add extra to the pile.
Whatever you do, do it in your time and at your pace and I sincerely wish you well.
Yes, that is a difficult situation. I had to cut all contact with my mother in 2001 and I feel sooooo much better. If cutting contact is not possible, in your case, you still wish to have a connection, and I totally understand that, I would suggest a knot/binding spell. That should help “contain” her attitude.
